


Onwards

by Plantress



Series: The Shepard-Vakarian Files [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Babyfic, Cuddles, F/M, Family, Fluff, Gen, Mama Shepard, Post War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 08:04:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/619881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plantress/pseuds/Plantress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Baby Makes Three.   The war is over.  The Reapers are gone.  Now Shepard and Garrus can focus on creating a future with their son.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Onwards

**Author's Note:**

> So yes, I decided I wanted to write more in the Baby Makes Three universe. I actually have a ton of story ideas that link to that fic, but I wanted to get this one our first. I do go a little out of order when writing fics in this continuity, although I did try to make things clear. These are fluffy, happy fics that are fun to write and I work on when I want to take a break from more plotty fics like Second Chance and Intercept.
> 
> Just as a warning, the fics in this timeline are going to use the ending I made up when I first finished Mass Effect 3 and was incredibly frustrated at the official endings. I'll try to write that out at some point. It involves a boss battle that ends with all the Reapers being short circuited. And the Normandy not ending up on a jungle planet because that really serves no purpose.
> 
> -Yes, Garrus asked Shepard to marry him. That will get a fic of it's own because I have a lot of ideas for it.
> 
> -I went and researched human baby development to try and see what Aetius would be capable of in the fic. He's supposed to be around 10-11 months old during it. If I made any mistakes, I blame it on Aetius being a space-raptor baby instead of a human one
> 
> And a big thanks to my excellent beta OinkythePiggy for helping me with this!

_“I”,_ Shepard thought, _“hate sitting still”._ Especially when it was something that was being forced on her by outside circumstances. Yet, her she was, sitting cross legged on the floor of the apartment , back against the couch, with a baby sleeping sprawled across her legs. She sighed and looked down at her son. It really wasn’t fair to blame her current mood on Aetius. Not like he was really forcing her to stay still. She could probably move him if she was careful; she’d done it before when he was napping and she needed to do something.

It was just that right now she didn’t see the point of disturbing him even with all her restless energy. She really didn’t have anything else to do. At least, nothing important 

She shifted a little to stop her leg from falling asleep on her, but Aetius gave a sleepy squeak, and she froze. When he didn’t wake up she let herself slowly relax and let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. Poor little guy, he did look tired. He had kept trying to copy her when she had been doing her exercises earlier, and had worn himself out. 

The memory brought a small smile to her face and she reached to to run a hand over his tiny cowl. Then she let her head fall back against the couch cushions and gazed up at the cracked ceiling overhead. She felt trapped in the small apartment, but it wasn’t really anyone’s fault. Well, maybe her own if she was being honest. 

This was the part of being seriously injured that she hated the most. The part where her body had healed enough that she was getting back some energy, but hadn’t healed enough for her to be able to push herself like she was used to. It left her feeling twitchy, particularly when she was stuck on sick leave without anything else to occupy her mind. Having Garrus around helped once she’d convinced him she was well enough that a little ‘fun’ wouldn’t break her as long as they were careful, but he wasn’t here right now. Instead he was out helping Victus with some issue that had cropped up. Lucky him. She was almost at the point of boredom where fighting her way through hordes of paparazzi and dealing with politicians seemed more appealing than sitting here a moment longer. At least she still had some measure of good sense left. If she did ever get that desperate, she would probably drive herself insane in a few hours. Hell, even Aetius probably had more sense than half the politicians out there right now.

Her son gave a sudden cheep and shivered in his sleep, almost as if in response to her thoughts. She paused but when he didn’t actually wake up she just chuckled and shook her head. It was outright _cute_...although, hadn’t Garrus said something about turians not liking cold? She had thought it was just him at first, but according the extranet turians in general just had poor body heat retention compared to humans. If that was true, then wouldn’t it be worse for kids? 

So, what if that hadn’t been Aetius just moving around in his sleep? _Did_ turians even shiver with cold? Garrus never had, not that she remembered, but he was older and she might not have been paying attention when it happened. Carefully she reached out and rested a finger along the exposed skin of his neck. She thought he felt normal, or at least normal for a turian, but what if she was wrong? He was a _baby_ and she had no idea what was normal for someone his age. What if he got sick because she hadn’t been paying enough attention to him? She didn’t even known enough to tell if he was sick! All turians had a higher body temperature than humans so she wouldn’t even be able to tell if he had a fever. If it was worse than that, wellshe didn’t want to consider that possibility.

 _”Okay, stop it.”_ She took a deep breath, and forced down the raising panic . This was stupid. Being out of action made her jumpy, and prone to blowing the littlest things out of proportion. She knew that from experience. At least this time it hadn’t resulted in her hitting anyone. _Nope,_ she thought her heart rate slowly dropping, _just gut wrenching worry over your kid._ God, if anyone had told her she would be in this position a couple of years ago she would have laughed. Or been scared out of her mind. Either one.

She looked down at Aetius again. Maybe he was a little cold. Better to be safe than sorry anyway. She would ask Garrus about the rest of it when he got back, and hope he wouldn’t laugh at her for it. Shepard glanced around the room to see if she could find a nearby blanket. Unfortunately, the closest one was on the other side of the room near where Aetius had been playing. Maybe she could get it over here with biotics, but that could disturb her son and she hadn’t been totally cleared on biotics yet. Chakwas would raise holy hell if she ever found out. _I just wouldn’t tell her, Shepard mused as she eyed the blanket, and I’m pretty sure I can count on Aetius being able to keep a secret too._

Still, Aetius always seemed so sensitive to biotics. Waking him up when she was trying to do something to avoid waking him up would be frustratingly ironic. So, no blanket then. She was a soldier. She could adapt. Shepard looked around again, and this time her eyes settled on the N7 hoodie she had thrown over the couch earlier. Perfect. It was even within arms reach. _Or at least,_ she thought as she mentally measured the distance, _I hope it is._

Keeping her lap as still as possible she carefully leaned over to the side and stretched her arm out as far as it could go. Her fingertips brushed the very edge of the hoodie but she just couldn’t manage to hook it enough to pull it towards her. _Just a little more,_ she edged closer, trying to keep from shifting her lap. If she could just get a one more millimeter, she could grab it. 

This was a challenge now, and one she was not going to lose. With her back still facing the couch, she grabbed the edge of the cushion with one hand, and strained towards the hoodie with her free hand, feeling half-healed muscles yell at her that she was pushing them to far as she tried to keep Aetius still. Her fingers barely hooked on a corner of the cloth and she yanked as hard as she could. The hoodie slipped off the couch with the movement. Towards her, thankfully, but it still hit the ground with a thud of cloth that made her freeze and glance back at Aetius. 

The boy snorted and gripped her pants with his little claws but thankfully didn’t wake up. Shepard gave a sigh of relief and pulled the hoodie over to her. She carefully draped it over the baby on her lap and tucked it in. This time he didn’t stir, not even when she tucked it around his cowl. She grinned and ran a thumb over his fringe. He really was a good kid most of the time, even if he did make a habit of waking her up in the middle of the night. At least he was getting better about that.

She was just happy he’d come out of the end of the Reaper war with no real injuries. Not that she hadn’t had trusted Joker when he said Aetius would be safe on the Normandy, but still she worried. Something that Joker seemed to find hilarious. At least he couldn’t make fun of her here. She would just have to kill him for it later, if he kept it up. 

Shepard let herself relax a little, or at least tired too. She tried breathing exercises she hadn’t resorted to in a while. Keep your breath measured. Even. In, and out. In and out. Slowly she felt her muscles loosen, and felt things quiet down. 

The front door clicked open and adrenaline slammed her out of the half trance she was in. She was already calculating the nearest weapon location before her mind had even started processing what the threat was, or how it had even gotten into the building. Then Garrus stepped into the living room, groaning and rubbing the back of his neck. 

“ _Damn_ it..” 

Shepard groaned and let her head fall back to the couch. “You scared me to death,” she said pleasantly before bring her head up again. Garrus had stopped mid step and slowly settled back into a more normal stance. She realized that his armor, and most of his plates, were liberally splattered with mud. There were streats where he had clearly tried to wipe some of it off, he hadn’t been totally successful. 

“Funny, you look alive to me,” he said as his hand dropped from his neck. 

Before she could warn Garrus to keep his voice down, Ateius jerked awake with a slight squeak and clawed the hoodie off of himself. 

“Da?” the little turian cheeped and looked around frantically. Shepard gave an internal sigh as Garrus made clicking noise that seemed to catch Aetius’ attention. When the baby’s head snapped over and focused on his father, Garrus let out a subvocal hum she could barely hear that seemed to make the smaller turian relax. It didn’t stop Aetius from letting out a demanding shriek though. 

“I think someone missed you,” Shepard said dryly as Garrus crossed the room and crouched down next to her. 

“You mean he’s the only one?” Garrus shot back. He pulled off his dirty glove before he reached out to run the back of a finger over their son’s fringe. 

“Call him the loudest one,” she said as Aetius lunged forward when Garrus tried to pull away and managed to grab his father’s hand. He let loose a string of squeaks and whistles that went into ranges she couldn’t hear. “Is he actually saying anything with that, or is it just nonsense?” 

“I believe he’s trying to tell me how amazing and badass his parents are,” her fiance flared his mandibles in a smirk. “Has a bit of an accent though. Hard tell for sure.”

Shepard just chuckled in response “Uh-hu. Pretty talented kid then, if he can get all that through without being able to talk properly.” 

“Of course he is,” Garrus said, grinning at her, “look at who raised him.” He pulled his hand away from Aetius and leaned forward to press his forehead against hers for half a second. 

“I would argue about that, but I feel like taking a compliment today so I’ll let it slide,” she said, “but only if you tell me what in the hell happened to you. What, did you take up mud wrestling in when I wasn’t looking?” 

“You know,” he sighed and stood slowly. She looked up as he stretched slightly and continued, “how is it that we’re capable of building ships that can take us to the other side of the galaxy, but we can’t build a ground transport that doesn’t break down with alarming frequency?” 

“So the transport you were on broke down?” Aetius started demanding attention again, so Shepard just scooped him and the hoodie up close to her. He gave a squeak but settled down somewhat and she used the opportunity to straighten her legs with a relieved sigh. Garrus gave an amused click of his mandibles before answering. 

“No, exactly,” he admitted and rolled his shoulder. “There was a group of marines trying to use a ground transport to clear some debris to make a better path. It got hung up on something, and overheated. Since I was passing by I thought I would stop and lend some of my expertise to the matter.” 

Shepard snorted, and set Aetius back on her lap as he started to wrestle with the hoodie. “You mean you wanted to show off some.” 

“I’m just being truthful,” her fiance cocked his head to watch their son as he mouthed at a corner of the black cloth. “I think I can considered myself a bit of a master after having to deal with everything you put the Mako through. Oh, and let’s not forget the damage you did to the Hammerhead too. That was _almost_ as bad. I knew there was going to be nothing wrong with the machine that I hadn’t seen before.” 

“I’m not that bad at driving!”

“Let me put it this way, Shepard; you drive as well as you dance.” 

“I,” she said pointedly ignoring the older turain, “am going to pretend you’re not here now.” 

His laugh was low, and very pleased. It sent a soft thrill through her. She did love his laugh. “Go ahead,” his voice said, “I’ll just take it as my victory.”

“You do that.” She looked back up at him, making a show of scanning him up and down. “So, what, you fall down while proving what a peerless mechanic you are? Into something like a mud puddle, maybe?” 

“Oh come on Shepard, have a little more faith in me than that!” His outrage would have sounded almost sincere if it wasn’t for this mandibles fluttering in a laugh. “I might have been standing a little too close the wheels when we got it started again, and forgot how wet this part of your planet is,” he admitted.. “I thought about going back to one of the barrack showers to clean up, but I was already pretty close to home. Figured I could just clean up here.” 

Shepard chuckled at the mental image of Garrus being splashed by a passing mako as she pulled Aetius back to her arms and climbed to her feet, the baby giving a little squeak of protest. “Then why don’t you go do that? You’re getting mud everywhere, and I am not cleaning that up. Filthy turian.” She pitched the last into an outraged mockery of Udina’s voice that made Garrus laugh again. 

“And here I thought you liked it,” he teased, but he did start moving back towards their bedroom. 

“Wrong kind of filthy Garrus,” which just made him chuckle as he headed off to get out of his armor. In her arms, Aetius watched him go with a tilt of the head. 

“Da?” he asked, turning back to her. 

“He’ll be right back, kiddo,” she told him as she sat down on the couch. “At least I hope you’re asking about your dad. I’m Mom, remember? You’re old enough to start learning the differences.” 

Aetius just cocked his head at her, as if considering what she was saying, before making a whistling sound. Shepard sighed at it. 

“No, Mom, remember? Mooom. You can say that, right?” 

“Mmmm?” Aetius made a soft noise that sounded like he was trying. 

“Like that,” Shepard scratched his cowl. “You’re getting close. Maybe we should try Mama instead. Can you say that? Mama? 

“Mmm,” Aetius said again, but Shepard couldn’t tell if it was him trying to copy her or a pleased noise at the scratching. She smiled, but stopped and just sat him on her lap. 

“I know you know this. Come on, say mama.” 

“Mmmm?” 

“Maamaaa. Come on Aetius, you’re really going to let your dad pull ahead of me by that much?”

A clunk from the direction of the bedroom had Aetius snapping his head around fast, eyes wide. “Da?” 

Shepard snorted and yanked the hood still half-wrapped around him over his eyes. The baby turian promptly squeaked, then pawed it off his face. It left him with a slack jawed expression that just made his mother laugh. He looked at up her with another indignant squeak that just had her chuckling as he pulled the hood over his eyes again. This time he had it back off faster and gave another squeak. When she didn’t move fast enough for him, Aetius grabbed at the black material of the hoodie, looked at her again, then gave a demanding trill. 

She raised an eyebrow at him. “You actually liked that? You strange, strange child.” Still, it was cute, and she yanked the hoodie back over his eyes again. it turned into a game after that, with Aetius trying to pull it off as fast as she could get the hood on him, and his squeaks turning into happy laugher that nearly covered the sound of Garrus coming back into the room, now dressed in his regular clothing. 

“Someone sounds like he’s enjoying himself,” her fiance collapsed into the left half of the couch, and Aetius immediately stopped his game to direct a high pitched, demanding trill at his father. 

“You’re more interesting than playing I guess,” she said as Garrus reached over and plucked Aetius from her lap. 

“Can you really blame him for that?” her fiance flared at grin at her before turning his attention back to the baby he was holding. He gave a soft purr that Shepard only ever heard him use with Aeitus and leaned down to press his forehead briefly against the baby’s. It was an unexpectedly tender sight, and one that made something in her chest swell with emotion. There were many, many reason she had decided to marry this man. What he meant to her was a large part of it, but seeing him interact with Aetius brought out a tender side of him that she would have never even dreamed existed. She just leaned against Garrus’ shoulder and watched as Aetius gripped at his father’s cowl and gave a soft purr of his own. 

“Guess you’re his favorite for tonight,” she said, hoping that her voice didn’t sound as thick as she felt it did.

“Only because I’ve been gone all day,” he said softly, “and he knew where you were. Believe me, he would have been calling a lot louder if it was you. You should have heard him while you were in the hospital, he would not...” Garrus cut off suddenly and tensed up slightly. It earned a soft startled cheap from Aetius, and she _felt_ her lover force himself to relax. “Nevermind.” 

Silently, she was grateful for him not continuing on. Those weeks while she had been in the hospital had been hard on all of them, and they were ones she would most like to forget. “So, you were gone all day,” she said to change the subject, “was all of that messing around in the mud or did the Primarch actually want you for something?” 

Garrus seemed as eager to think about something else as she did, and jumped on the topic change. “He was worried that some of the Reaper remains might have enough juice left to indoctrinate someone,” he said, “I did point out that we won because you shorted them all out, but I couldn’t blame him for being cautious. I think people still have trouble believing that they’re gone.” 

“Yeah,” Shepard said softly. Even she sometimes would stop and find it hard to believe that the Reapers really were defeated. She had spent so much time worrying about something that big that it was strange when it was gone. THat, was something she didn’t want to think on at the moment. She thought of bringing up her earlier worries, but there was one other importnat question she wanted to ask. “So, in the midst of all that, did you get to ask Victus about him?” she nodded towards the baby in Garrus lap. 

“About the adoption thing?” Garrus said slightly nervously. “Yeah, might have found a bit of time to bring it up.” Shepard watched as he rubbed Aetius’ back gently. 

“And?” she prompted, worried about his sudden silence and the tension she felt in him.

“He said that it would be possible,” Garrus, said turning to flick a smile at her. Shepard felt a tension she hadn’t even known she was carrying drain out of her and she nearly laughed. It had taken her longer than it should have to bring up what it would take to formally adopt a turian child, even after Garrus had proposed to her. Thankful he had been thinking along the same lines, so they spent a week discussing things before settling on Victus being their best bet to pull it off. Whether the Primarch would even agree to it, that had been the uncertain part. Now that they had that answer, Shepard felt light for the first time in ages.

Grinning she leaned forward to plant a soft kiss on Garrus’ lips. “So we got that out of the way! One step closer to dealing with it permanently. You actually had me worried there for a second. I thought you would be happier.”

“Sorry about that,” her fiance flexed his mandibles in a pleased way, although there was still that nervous tone in his subvocals. “I’m happy, believe me. It’s just...not exactly what I would have considered ideal.”

“Oh?” she settled back to the couch, her heart sinking. “What’s wrong with it?”

Garrus paused to lean over and rest his forehead against Aetius’ again, which caused the baby to babble at him. “According to Victus,” he finally said, “the easiest way would be for me to officially adopted Aetius into my clan before we announce any sort of joining between us.” That was followed by a glance at her. “Normally it would take a while to get that approved, but well, there are some perks to being friends with the Primarch. He promised to rush it through.”

“Aaand I’m still not seeing the problem here,” Shepard said flatly, leaning against her fiance. “Unless there’s some reason he thinks even that won’t work.” That was one of the things that she had feared most about this. She and Garrus didn’t have a relationship that was recognized but either government at the moment, but rumors traveled. Normally she wouldn’t care and would cheerfully have said to hell with all of them. Now that they had Aetius though, they couldn’t do that, at least not yet. Not while their baby didn’t legally belong to either of them. She wasn’t going to be able to rest easy until then. Up until they had some claim, there was always the risk that some official somewhere would try something to get him to a more ‘suitable’ environment. 

A headshake from Garrus made her feel a bit better. “No, it should work. Remember, our little guy isn’t the only orphan in the galaxy. Transports with children on them were always the first to leave, and not all of the kids have been able to reunite with their parents. Turians included, of course. The Hierarchy is struggling to rebuild and figure out what to do with them all.” There was a heavy silence as he finished that sentence. 

Shepard remembered words her turian had said way back during the war, when they had been talking. ‘Lots of angry orphans looking for answers’ or something like that. She had noted it as the truth, but there had so much else to do that she hadn’t really paid much attention it past that moment. Now, looking at the kid they had been caring for, all that seemed more immediate and looming large. Kids as young as Aetius without _anyone_ waiting for them made something in her heart clench. She had always known it was a reality of war, that it wasn’t just soldiers that suffered. Now she just had an example of it right in front of her.  
“At least they won’t have to worry about Aetius,” she said. Shepard tried to keep her voice even but she had forgotten how futile that was around a species who had far more sensitive hearing than she did. Garrus looked at her then carefully handed Aetius back to her. 

“Yeah, I can promise that at least,” he said his voice gentle as he nuzzled her. “I would have fought for him even Victus wasn’t helping us.” 

“Would you have to fight over it?” She asked as she took on the welcome distraction of soothing the baby turian. 

“Maybe,” Garrus admitted, “my..ah..record is a little spotty. Suddenly quitting your job and disappearing for two years probably wouldn't go a long way in convincing people that I would make a reliable parent.” He gave a sharp click to cut off Shepard when she started to protest. “It’s just the way the Hierarchy works, Shepard. You’re judged by what you’ve accomplished, and Archangel doesn’t exactly have an official record.” 

“I think the whole ‘saved the galaxy from Reapers’ deal should count for something then,” she said, trying not to growl. Logically she knew why turian officials would object to someone who they saw as skipping out on their duty adopting a kid, but that didn’t stop her from feeling outraged on behalf of her mate. 

“I never said it didn’t,” Garrus said and flared a grin at her, “coming back just in time to help save everyone from nightmares intent on destroying everything does make an impression. And you, know, the whole ‘trusted by the primarch’ thing in addition to being a big goddamn hero means they’re overlook a lot.” He looped an arm over her shoulders and buried his face in her hair. “Even though they don’t know I have a mate, they’ll probably be so happy to have one less kid to worry about that they won’t question it. We’ll have him Shepard. Officially.” 

“Then I’ll finally be able to breath again,” she was speaking quietly again, this time to stop from disturbing Aetius, who looked on the verge of dropping off to sleep again. “That still doesn’t answer my earlier question, Garrus. Why act so worried if you’re so sure about this?” 

“I wasn’t worried about _that_ ,” her fiance admitted. “I just...I feel like I’m stealing something from you, Shepard. You should be the one taking him in first. You’re the one that found him and adopted him first, unofficially. If anyone deserves to be recognized as his parent first, it’s you. We wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for that.” 

Shepard tucked herself a little further against him. “We talked about that, remember? I might have saved the galaxy, but a human trying to adopted a turian would still make both our governments screech in terror. It would be years before we could fight through it all.”

“Oh I know,” Garrus sighed, “that doesn’t mean I can’t wish it. ‘Aetius Shepard’ has a nice ring to it.”

“So does Aetius Vakarian,” she told him. “I just want him to, legally, belong to at least one of us. If something happens, I want to be sure he at least has family somewhere.” She didn’t want to think about him being all alone again, and thrown into an orphanage...or whatever it was that turians had. Worse would be someone decided that Aetius didn’t belong with either of them. “And this way, they can’t try to take him away from us.”

“I wouldn’t have let that happen!” Garrus protested so loudly that Aetius gave a sleep chirp and sat up to look sleepily at his father. Both of them froze until he slowly relaxed and curled back up against Shepard, who rubbed his back gently.  
“I mean that, Shepard,” insisted more quietly, “but I get what you’re saying. He’ll be part of my clan soon, and you won't have to worry about it anymore.”

She nodded and then grinned up at Garrus, “You don’t need to feel that guilty about it, you know. I thought the plan was that I would end up a Vakarian too anyway.”

“Oh, that’s the plan,” he assured her and pressed his mouth against her in the best version of a kiss he could give. “You do realize that will cause an uproar in _both_ our governments anyway, right?”

“Probably,” she agreed, “but I don’t care about that. They can scream all they want, but I’m still going through with it. I’ve faced down Reapers. I’d like to see them try to come up with something worse than that.” Although that possibility caused her to pause for a second. “You don’t think they would be able to take Aetius away over that, do you?”

That brought out an empathetic head shake from Garrus. It wasn’t a gesture turians usually used, she had learned, but he had spent enough time around the rest of the Citadel races to pick it up. “Not a chance,” he said without any hesitation, “you have no idea how hard it is to remove someone from a turian clan. Even the Hierarchy will have a hell of a time pulling something like that without permission. It’s not like this is the first time something like this happened. Not with a turian and human couple,” he clarified at the confused look on Shepard’s face, “but it’s happened a time or two with a asari and turian couples. They won’t take Aetius.” He chuckled a little. “Although you will probably have people claiming you’ll be a bad influence on him.” 

“They’d probably say that about a human kid too,” she pointed out then grew sober. “You’re absolutely sure they won’t try anything underhanded to take him?” 

“Absolutely,” Garrus said firmly. “No turian, no matter how corrupt he was, would take a turian away from his clan. Especially in a case like Aetius’ where there is no other clan that could take him in. Spirits, suggesting making a kid clanless would be political suicide.” He grinned at her. “Granted, I wouldn’t mind seeing someone suggest it, just for the entertainment of watching the fallout. 

“It’s really that big of a deal?” Shepard did remember reading about turians and clans being linked with their spiritual beliefs, but Garrus had never been religious so she hadn’t looked much beyond the basics. There had been something about turians believing a spirit existed for every clan, or other significant gathering of turians but she really didn’t know much besides that. Right now she was beginning to regret not looking into it more. 

“You have no idea how big,” Garrus said straightening up a little. “Honestly, a turian without a clan is..well..it’s hard to described\\.” He frowned slightly, mandibles clenching tightly as he thought. “I guess humans really don’t have anything equivalent. A turian can leave his clan if he wants, or very rarely be cast out, but even when you’re fighting with your family you’re still clan. In the old days, waaay back before we had space travel, a turian without a clan was honestly considered less than half alive. Most thought you couldn’t really exist unless you belonged to a clan or a company or _something_ greater than yourself. It would be like...” he shrugged slightly, “like being without a soul I guess. Clanless turians were shunned or treated as criminals.” He sighed. “Granted, most people don’t believe in most of that anymore, but there is a good reason ‘barefaced’ is considered an insult.” 

“Okay, so yeah, big deal,” Shepard said slowly. “I think I see now.” It wasn’t as if humans hadn’t gone around shunning and outlawing people for similar reasons. They had just dressed it up in different 

“It’s a turian thing,” was the half apologetic reply. “I would explain it better if I could.”

“Garrus, it’s all right,” she told him. “I said I get it. Maybe I don’t understand the whole of it but I can figure out enough to realize _why_ it’s so important to turians.”

There was a sort of relieved hum from him and he leaned his head against hers. “Actually,” he said after a moment of quiet, “that might work in our favor this time. After all, I’m saving a kid from being clanless. What could turian would _dare_ argue against that?” his voice was mocking on the last few words, but after everything he had said she didn’t doubt he was telling the truth. 

“So cultural superstitions actually accomplished something positive!” she said. “I suppose I’ll be grateful for it just this once.” 

That brought a chuckle out of him. “Yeah, just this once,” he echoed, looking down at their son who was curled up asleep against her. His subvocals rumbled in something that he shook through her and sounded faintly possessive. She had heard that a time or two before, and always when it was both her and Aetius near him. Any other strange turian sounds she would have asked him about, but she was fairly sure she understood this one even without a translator. This was their own little family, and she could get being protective of that. Especially after all they had been through, just being here was a miracle enough. 

A while later, when Shepard was sure Aetius was fully asleep, she stood and took him into the spare bedroom they had set up as a temporary nursery. She came back from tucking him in to find Garrus fiddling with something on his omnitool.

“He’s out for the count?” her fiance asked as she collapsed back onto the seat next to him. 

“Dead to the world,” she agreed, stretching as she heard an amused click from the turian. He stopped whatever he was doing thought and turned his head slightly to look at her. His mandibles flickered anxiously. 

“Is he...okay?” Garrus finally asked. “I mean, he wasn’t acting odd today, was he?” 

“No,” she frowned and straightened up a little. “Why? Is something wrong?” She quickly called up the nursery VI readout on her omni-tool. It had been a human model that Garrus had found while helping clean up, then reconfigured for turian vitals. It was supposed to keep track of a child’s well being and send an alarm to the parents omni-tool if there was any sort of drastic change in the vitals while they were sleeping. Shepard had thought it was a bit much the first time she had heard of it, but now she was just grateful for the normal readings showing on the display. Garrus had leaned over over shoulder to look too, and gave a sort of hum as she dismissed the omni-tool display. 

“Wasn’t trying to worry you,” he said quietly, “and it’s probably nothing. He just sounded a little..tired is all.” 

“He did?” Shepard frowned, trying to remember anything that would have hinted at that. “I thought he sounded fine.” 

“Subvocals,” Garrus said, waving his hand next to his head in explanation, “I didn’t think you heard it, so I thought I should ask.” 

That caused a clench of something that felt like quilt in Shepard’s stomcah. Ever since she had first taken the tiny turian baby onto her ship she had known there would be differences between tehm that she wouldn’t be able to compenstate for. Now those differences could have risked his life, and she hadn’t been paying enough attention to notice anything. That was what she had been afraid of. It was her own fault, if she had been looking closely maybe she would have notice something even if half the noises he made were out of her hearing range. Hell, she had even been worried about his _temperature_ earlier and hadn’t known even to tell if he was in the danger zone or not.

“Shepard,” Garrus rumbled firmly, nuzzling her. Apparently she hadn’t hid her reaction very well. “There’s two of us here, remember? Neither of us can do everything alone. There was nothing wrong, so don’t worry about it.” 

The subtle reminder that he had her back even in this did bring on some comfort, and she made a mental note to see if she could adjust her translator to pick up on higher frequency sounds. This was not going to happen again. “This time,” she said out loud to distract him, “you might have been part of the cause of it. He was napping right up until you broke down the door.”

“Ah, that I did not know,” Garrus had his mandible fluttering again. “Sorry. I’ll be quieter next time.” 

“Better be,” she leaned against him, “although I’m not really the one you should be apologizing too. I would have said something then, but Aetius was so happy to see you I let it slide. Just this once though.” 

“Yeah, next time, say something,” he muttered into her hair. “If interrupting his naps makes him that tired than I don’t want to do it again.” 

“It might have been my fault too,” Shepherd admitted, “the kid was trying to follow along with me when I was doing the therapy exercises Chakwas gave me. It was too funny to stop, and he ended up wearing himself out before you got home.” She chuckled at the memory. It had been downright cute, even though Aetius couldn’t even walk yet. Sometimes, when she caught herself in an emotional moment over her son, it would stop her short for a few moments. She was Commander Shepard after all. She wasn’t supposed to be cooing mother gushing over something completely mundane that her son was doing. Then she would realize that, maybe there was nothing wrong with being both at the same time. Those few doubting moments, they were becoming few and far between lately.

For a moment Garrus looked as if he was about to crack a joke about that but his mandibles suddenly snapped close to his face and he gave her a measuring piercing stare. It was something that was almost predatory in nature, and not in the fun, sexy way either. “Shepard,” he rumbled, his subvocals echoing more harshly than normal. “I thought you were doing those exercises when I left this morning.”

Shepard froze, trying to find any other way of phrasing her answer. No divine force gifted her with inspiration. “Maybe,” she just said, with as much ‘what of it’ attitude as she could.

“Funny, I don’t remember Aetius being up when I left,” was the reply from her fiance. 

“That might be true,” she admitted. 

“Shepard, you know you aren’t supposed to be pushing yourself,” Garrus said, holding her with that serious look. 

“I’m trying to keep myself in shape!” she protested. “I was laying in the hospital bed for weeks, I’ve got to work to bring myself back up to speed!” Inactivity always grated on her, and after spending so much time laying in the hospital she had wanted to do _something_ about it.

“You aren’t even fully recovered yet,” Garrus shot back at her, “and you know as well as I do that if you push yourself too hard, you’re going to break or strain something that will set you even further back. I’m sure you would just _love_ that,” he shook his head. “Why can’t you be a good Specter and enjoy your vacation for once?” 

“I wouldn’t exactly call this a vacation,” she grumbled. “Half the galaxy went to hell in a handbasket, I’m being held on medical leave, and I’m going insane from inactivity,” she shifted and let her self collapsed onto the couch, her head pillowed on the turian’s thigh as she propped her feet on the arm of the couch. “it’s unfair, I tell you.” 

“That bad, hmm,” Garrus rumbled, shutting down his omnitool so he could run gently talons through her hair. “I’m not saying I don’t understand Shepard, because believe me I do, but running yourself into the ground isn’t going to help you.” 

“I _know_ that,” she sighed, “but you trying being stuck here with that much restless energy.” She smirked a little. “You’d probably end up taking everything apart and putting it back together just for something to do.”

That got a quiet chuckle out of him. “That’s actually close to the complaints I used to get from my family when I was sick. Apparently I was...ah..a bit of a difficult patient.” 

“See? We have so much in common,” Shepard grinned then gazed up at the ceiling, “although we wouldn’t even be having this conversation right now if I was on the Normandy. I could do something if I was there, even if I am still technically recovering. I could be useful. Or at least find someone to talk too.” There was always someone on duty, even at odd hours, on a spaceship. Most of her crew were also kind enough to indulge their Commanders odd whims, so she would have distraction of some sort.

“You know what Hackett said,” Garrus said wearily. 

“Yeah, I know, I know,” Shepard laid the back of her hand across her forehead. “They need the Normandy, and I’m officially grounded until I’m considered combat ready. I swear, it’s like Hackett thinks I’m going to just take the Normandy and fly off with it.”

“And I wonder where he got that idea from,” Garrus drawled, staring down at her. He flared a grin at her before relaxing. “You know Chakwas is working on it. Once she’s convinced Hackett that you’ll recover faster in more familiar surroundings, we can go home.”

“She’d better hurry up with it,” was Shepard’s growled response. “Otherwise I swear I’m going to end up break something.”

“As entertaining as that would be to watch, I agree,” Garrus sounded amused. “Although, if you’re really going that crazy, and I’m really that bad at distracting you, why don’t you just contact someone? You know you have people that worry about you. They’d be happy to help.”

“Most of our friends have important duties,” she reminded him, “vital ones. They’re actually doing things. I don’t want to distract them from that just because I’m feeling restless.” 

“Uh-hu,” Garrus drawled, “I totally believe you. Seriously not doubting you at all with that.” He gave her a quirked mandible that he knew was his version of an eyebrow raised, and she sighed.

“Maybe it is a bit embarrassing to call someone who’s busy and go ‘I’m bored, entertain me.’ It sounds..childish.” Shepard admitted and squirmed a little. Garrus had his hand resting on her head, otherwise she would probably have sat up to avoid the surprised look he gave her. 

“Really, Shepard, no one we know is going to feel ‘bothered’ by you,” Garrus was still finger combing her hair, which if she was honest, felt very relaxing. She closed her eyes and just let him “If you’re really that restless, go and visit someone. You aren’t chained here. There are levels between ‘take it easy’ and ‘drive yourself into the ground’. I mean, I know you’re bad at subtly but you could at least give it a try.” There was warmth and humor in his voice, but at his words Shepard snapped her eyes open and stared up at him. She had thought about going outside, maybe taking Aetius for a walk, but each time she had she had frozen. Even thinking about it now sent her heart pounding.

She sat up quickly and ignored the sudden pain of muscles pushed too far. 

“Shepard?” Garrus said in alarm. 

“I’ve thought about it,” she said softly. 

“Some reason you haven’t?” She heard the creak of the couch and felt the cushion dip as he moved closer to her. 

She stayed silent and bent her knees up to her chest. “...It’s stupid,” she said at last. 

Garrus didn’t say anything, but she felt the gentle touch of his hand on her shoulder. Slowly she twisted around to look at him. “You’re a lot of things Shepard,” he said softly to her, his subvocals humming, “words like reckless, insane, brave, amazing come to mind, but I would never describe you as stupid. You know you don’t have to say anything, but I’m here if you want to.” 

She felt a lump form in her throat and she was reminded of everything they two them had been together. Tears pricked her eyes and she turned away so Garrus wouldn’t see them. After a couple breaths to make sure her voice was even, she started speaking hesitantly. “I know the Reapers are gone. I put them down myself. It’s just..after fighting them for what feels like an eternity, it’s hard to believe they aren’t out there, lurking in the black anymore. Each time I remember it’s like it’s a surprise, and I know it really shouldn’t be.”

Her fiance, thankfully, didn’t even bother to ask where she was going with them. “I get it,” he said instead, “believe me, I get that. You poured yourself into this war Shepard, more than any of the rest of us did. Finishing something like that, it’s not going to be easy on you.”

She nodded, feeling it as Garrus reached out to rub her back. The heat from his hand was soothing. “I thought about taking Aetius out, at least to give him some fresh air and make sure he see something other than this apartment. He’s probably as bored of the view as I am. Never did though. I kept saying I wanted to keep him away from the media. He’s going to get enough of that when he’s older anyway, and I am not making it suffer more than he has to.” 

“You know I agree with that,” Garrus said. “We’re already in the spotlight, and even if we try to keep things quiet, someone is going to notice. Hell, I’m already counting down the days until someone realizes he thinks of a _human_ as his mother and the shit storm starts. Keeping him away from it as much as possible is a smart move.” 

“It sounds good when you say it like,” she agreed. “and I _am_ going to do my best to make sure paparazzi stays the hell away from him. Maybe it’s hopeless given how well known we are, but I want him to have a normal childhood. ...Or, at least as normal a one as he can have under the circumstances.” There was a chuckle from her mate, and she was glad he at least was amused by it. “So everyone agrees that I’m being cautious, and no one says anything else about it. It’s just..”

“There’s more to it than that, right?”

“Yeah,” she said. “It’s almost like the Reapers for me, Garrus. I know that there’s no more war, that the battle is over and it’s perfectly safe outside.” She shifted, dropping her forehead into her palm, fingers tangling into her hair. “ There’s just this part of me that remembers London as a battlefield. I _fought_ thought it, Garrus. It’s not something easy to forget. By myself, yeah, I could go out. I know I could take of myself even if I’m only half recovered. But Aetius? Taking him someplace like that?” She dropped her hand and shook her head slightly. “No, I can’t. It terrifies me, even if I know i have nothing to worry about. It’s irrational, and it’s stupid but I..” 

Her words end in a yelp as an arm suddenly circled around her waist and yanked. She found herself on Garrus’ lap, the turian holding her close with his face buried in against her neck. “If anyone,” he said, his subvocals rumbling in a comforting way that almost reminded her of a purr, “tries to tell you that makes you stupid, then I will hit them for being complete and utter idiots. It’s not stupid. You’ve been through more than anyone else, and being protective of our son does not make you insecure.” 

She relaxed a little, running a hand up one of his arms. “Then what exactly would you call it? It’s not exactly _normal._ “ 

“Have to disagree with you there, Shepard,” his voice sounded strange with that rumbling in back of it. She had heard something similar from him before, during foreplay, but this didn’t have the intensity he had then. “I would count being wary after surviving a war against everything from Cerberus to Reapers to be perfectly natural.” He nuzzles her gently. “And I would consider the rest of it just being a parent. Spirits, you think I don’t worry over him? Over you?” 

That caused her to focus in on him, and she shifted position, not leaving his lap but pulling away enough that she could meet his eyes. “You’re really worrying that much?” she said firmly. “You never mentioned anything about it to me.” 

Garrus looked away. “Yeah well, I, ah, didn’t want to make _you_ worry more. It’s not like you can do anything Shepard. Besides, you’re hurt, you need to concentrate on..”

“Garrus,” she said and slide her hand around to the scarred side of his face. Gently she forced him to look at her. “I’m injured, but not _that_ injured. You really think that pretending everything was fine was going to help? Was sheltering me and acting like I was that fragile really supposed to accomplish anything?” She couldn’t keep all of her annoyance out of her voice and he winced as he looked down. Shepard couldn’t even make herself be sorry about it. 

“That would probably be a terrible idea,” he admitted, “but I wasn’t trying to do that Shepard. It’s just that...” he shook his head. “You know I’m not good at this kind of thing.” Her turian picked his head up enough to meet her eyes. “And don’t pretend you’re any better at it than I am. I distinctly remember several times you kept more than you should have to yourself.” 

“Oh, I know how bad I am at it,” she twisted in his lap, making him loosen his hold on her for a few moments before she settled, straddling his hips. “That’s why I am incredibly qualified to tell you just how bad an idea it is. We’re supposed to be partners in this whole mess, aren’t we?” 

“You know it,” his hands settled on her hips but he made no other move, and instead just watched her. 

“Then talk to me,” she reached up and slide her arms around his neck, forcing his head forward enough that she could rest her forehead against his. “I mean, what kind of a mate am I if you’re uncomfortable unloading on me?”

“You have know idea how many dirty things I could say to that,” Garrus all but purred, the sounding ringing through her. “But I know what you mean. It’s not that I’m uncomfortable with it, you know I’m never uncomfortable with you. It’s just that,” he grumbled something under his breath even her translator couldn’t catch. “I almost lost you again SHepard,” he admitted, “the first time, even though we weren’t together, that was still a piece of hell. I would rather _not_ repeat that again.” 

Immediately Shepard felt ashamed. She hadn’t really thought about it that way. It wasn’t like she was suicidal, she never set out to die, but both of them knew that she wasn’t afraid to risk her life when it was important. “I’m sorry,” was all she could think to say to that. 

Garrus just pulled away and shook his head. “Don’t be sorry,” he told her, “I’ve know about that crazy part of you for years. You’re a hero Shepard, and I would never ask you to change that.” He rubbed her hip comfortingly. “That part of you is one of the things I fell for.” 

She blinked, not trusting her voice, and leaned forward to kiss him full on the mouth. Not something turians did at all, but Garrus had adjusted to it surprisingly fast. “And you keep saying you’re bad at things like this.”

“Well, you know me,” he said mandibles flaring in a grin, “I’m just that good.” 

She laughed, and leaned her forehead against his once more. “Keep tell yourself that, Vakarian.” 

That got a rumble out of him, but she couldn’t translate what it meant. “Yeah, see, this is what I would rather be focusing on, Shepard,” he said, his voice low. “After everything that happened, I would rather think about _this ,_ ” he pulled back a little and reached up to run the back of a claw along her cheek, “than anything else. I didn’t mean for it to seem like I was keeping things from you or trying to protect you from something. I just....I would rather spend time with you thinking about the future, and not talking about depressing things. Kind of a mood killer.” 

Shepard tried to smile, even though her mind was darting down paths it hadn’t gone before. Put like that, she could see why Garrus hadn’t said anything. She believed him when he said he hadn’t meant to upset her, but that didn’t mean she could brush it off. The last thing she wanted was him ending up in the same place he had as Archangel. “I understand that,” she told him, hands coming up to brush his mandibles, “but I don’t want you keeping everything to yourself either. Promise me that if something really starts to bother you, that you’ll talk about it, okay?” 

Garrus tilted his head, clacking his mandibles for a second. “Fine, but only if you give the same promise Shepard. Remember, you said you were an expert on keeping things to yourself.” 

It took her a moment before she smiled and sighed. “I did say that, did I? You drive a hard bargain, Vakarian.” She wasn’t the sort of person to just air her feelings all over, but this was Garrus. He knew more about her than anyone except her mother. If this was what he was asking, then yeah, she would try to respect it.

He flared a grin at her. “Of course I do. I learned from the best,” then after her chuckle, “so..?”

“I promise,” she learned forward to rest her forehead against his. Somehow, the simple action had slowly become _normal_ to her over the past year or so. It might have been a turian tradition more than a human one, but it was one that had come to mean home to her. 

“Then so do I,” he muttered back and they stayed that way for a few heartbeats. “And now that we have that out of the way...”

The atmosphere in the room was shattered as the pair of claws lightly dragging up her side under her shirt made her arch and gasp. “Dammit, Garrus,” she snapped him, no real venom behind the words, “we aren’t through with this.” 

“Oh, probably not,” he agreed, “but I’ve had a long day and I think it can wait a bit.” Old words that brought out smile in both of them, although Shepard couldn’t help squirming at his wandering hands.

“Selfish,” she grumbled a little as he scratched up her sides a little more.

“If that’s what you want to call it,” he purred. “But I would call it ‘wanting to celebrate’.” 

“Celebrate what?” she managed to ask as he buried his face against her neck. Any other words she could think of flew out of her head when he drew his long tongue up the side of her neck.

“I sent Victus a message right before you came back,” he chuckled, “telling him to clear the way for the adoption. So, since Aetius is all but ours and the little bundle of joy is sleeping right now....” he trailed off suggestively and added another long drag of his tongue. She shuddered

“We should take some time to ourselves?” It took a bit for her to regain her breath and remember what words were. They sounded rough when she could finally force them out.

“Something like that, yeah.” 

Normally Shepard would have argued with him, but she was well aware of how singled minded a turian could be when he wanted something, and Garrus was a prime example of it.  
Maybe, she could change that mind, but at the moment she couldn’t muster up enough energy to _want_ to.

“I like the way you think, Vakarian,” she said, and gave into the distraction he offered. 

It wasn’t until much later she remembered she hadn’t even asked him about turians and cold.


End file.
